Scriptures on Marriage

       The subject of marriage is one that many preachers and ministers try to stay away from because so many today think it is ok to divorce, and many in their congregation have even been divorced. Chances are, you probably even know someone who has had a failed marriage, and probably for any reason that they thought was right. According to the Pew Research Center, for those who even choose to get married, the majority of marriages (60%) now end in divorce. Not surprisingly, those numbers drop dramatically for couples who belong and are active in their church. The numbers are higher for more liberal churches than conservative, but still lower than those who do not attend church at all. Of course, scriptures are not silent when it comes to marriage, in fact God has a lot to say on this subject, and if we follow Him, as we should, marriage would be treasured and not just thrown away.
       First off, let's clear up the topic of same sex marriage. Supporters of this like to claim that the Bible says nothing about homosexuality and same sex marriage. Well, the word homosexuality is not in scriptures, but there is plenty about sexual deviancy, man laying with man, etc. that there is no need to speak of that here. We also know that in Old Testament times that God accepted marriage, and under Mosaic Law, one could divorce for any and all reasons. This changed however with the coming of Christ and the New Law. God still accepted marriage, as we read in John chapter 2 where Christ performed His first miracle at a wedding in Canna. But later on His ministry, we read in Matthew chapter 19, the Pharisees challenged Him on reasons for divorce. Christ, as always, does not hold back, and tells them what God expects. Chapter 19: 8-9 "He saith unto them, 'Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her that is put away doth commit adultery."
       We can clearly see that even during Moses' day, divorce was tolerated by God due to the hardness of the people's hearts, but He didn't accept it. Now, however, the only acceptable reason for divorce, is when one party cheats on another. In verse 12 of the same chapter, the disciples asked Christ if it were best if men didn't marry, but Jesus answers in the negative, saying "He that is able to receive it, let him receive it." Through Christ's own words, it is good to find someone to share your life with, someone to have children with, someone to help you find heaven. But marriage is and should be for life, with only adultery being a Godly reason for divorce. Even with adultery though, it doesn't mean you must get a divorce, it is simply allowed by God. The symbolism of marriage can be used when reading about the Jewish people in the times of the Old Testament.
       In Jeremiah 3:14, God is pleading with His "bride", the Jews, to come back to Him and turn away from idolatry. They were cheating on God, yet He asked them to come back. "Turn, O backsliding children, saith the Lord; for I am married unto you: and I will take you one of a city, and two of a family; and I will bring you to Zion." The point being made here is what I stated earlier, you don't have to divorce, but if you forgive, you must do so with all forgiveness, not holding the actions of your spouse over their head forever. If you can't do that, it might be best to divorce from them, but remember that to be a Christian, we must be able to forgive those who have trespassed against us. God was able to forgive the Israelites for their adultery for a time, but now Christ has come and we can only have forgiveness if we truly repent.
       Marriage should not be taken lightly. God is, according to His own words, not pleased when we throw away our marriages for any reason. When we take those vows, we make them with God as well, and He expects us to uphold them. According to Him, we need to know that if we remarry after an unscriptural divorce, we are not married in His eyes. This is why it is so important that we truly know the person that we are to marry. Will they make a good mother or father to our children, will they follow God and do as He commands and help us achieve our goals? Too many of us marry too quickly without getting to know that person. Usually, we will be able to see the person's character after spending more time with them. It may not always be the case, which sometimes raises problems.
       I have been asked a few times, what if the wife is living in a violent relationship? Usually, someone who is abusive becomes abusive while they are dating. Of course, if this happens, do not marry that person. But if they become abusive after marriage, is the woman commanded to stay? In searching scripture, there is nothing that states you must stay when a man is beating you. You should be allowed to protect yourself and your children by getting away from that person, but unfortunately, the rules for divorce still apply. Most times, if a man is coward enough to beat on a woman, he doesn't have enough morals to stop himself from cheating as well. Again though, this is why it is so important to know, truly know, everything about the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
       As I said, this is not always a very popular subject to write or speak about, but it is very important to know what God expects out of us. He wants us to love our spouse just as Christ loved the church, and treat them just as we should treat God. Marriage is so much more than a piece of legal paper, it is a vow with each other and with God that we should uphold at all times. Many churches have either split over this subject, or have lost many members because they have been divorced and are now remarried for unscriptural reasons, and they believe that this should be allowed. However, God makes it clear what is and isn't allowed, and we can't change His laws to suit our needs, no matter what the law is. I have been blessed with being married to my wife for 19 wonderful years, and pray for many, many more. As always, I am more than happy to discuss with anyone this or any other issues that you might have. Grace be with you.